Transition (draft)

It started happening a few months ago, walking through inches of standing water in the Oregon high steppe. Not a pleasant experience, I assure you.

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At work recently I’ve experienced moments when, for no apparent reason, my mind jumped to thoughts from other periods in my life: graduating from high school, graduating from college, leaving for the Peace Corps. These moments came in the form of images. I’d see in my mind’s eye the person who sold pineapples in Bafia, Cameroon (I remember them tasting like pina colada), or maybe the moment my mother gave me, an 18 year old freshly arrived at college, a brass bottle opener. I love that bottle opener; it reminds me that my mother chose to see me as at least an emerging adult. My sneaking suspicion is that my brain is telling me that I am transitioning, from my work of two years toward my work of many years to come. Subconscious, I think they call it.

 I was startled by the immediacy, tying a shelter knot one moment, pulled into the halls of memory the next. Or maybe it was a smell I can’t quite recall now, writing this. My brain, I think, is telling me something. Or not exactly telling me something, because it’s an organ, but some process is going on and filtering up to my conscious levels a belief that something important is happening. There’s a swirling of beliefs: Evoke has been a threshing barn, and I’m emerging into a place where my growth can be put to use. Myth of the separate self and all. The tendency to self-edit is strong, thanks Peter Elbow. That comma was misplaced too. I’m startinginging to see something to this post, and I can’t quite believe that I’ll get there, no yes I do. Stream of consciousnes it is, then. and errors allowed. no hitting the delete button. Back to our regularly scheduled programming (but I hit the delete butto twice there and avoided it a third time.)

After some time of incubating, there’s a whirlwind of beliefs compounding together to give rise to a perspective that I think will help the world survive. That’s why I’m wanting to teach (bsides thinking I’ll enjoy it), I think that jy efforts will decrease the existential risk of humanity by ever so slight a margin. Hopefully enouhg to ofsset my carbon footprint. Ist here a way to simply turn off the delete iey temporarily? that sounds like it would be incredibly useful. Can’t stop won’t stop don’t stop. Brother you don’t need to turn me away I was waiting down at the ancient gate. Associative trails lead toward extinction (doomsday scenario link?): artificial intelligence (link to superintelligence?) ecological collapse, etc. and just saw a hummingbird poop. I have a mix of cynicism and optimism–I think humanity is in danger, and I think there are things we can do about it–institutional changes that may increase our quality of life, and our chances of survival. So I’ll do what I can. Yes. I’ll do what I can.

 

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